Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila