he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."