fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?