Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.