His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
