Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
