I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
