I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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