Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize