wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
