Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
