Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
