he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
