I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
