Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
