I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
