i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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