ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
