I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
