Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
