4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
