He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
