How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
