Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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