I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
