Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
