Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
