Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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