I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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