i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There r osticjed everywhere
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
