So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
