I just saw a hot homeless man
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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