I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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