So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
