Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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