I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
