Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
