you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pants are for mortals
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
