i just google imaged poop.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
