just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
