you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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