apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
