ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
