his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
