if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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