apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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