he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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