This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
