someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
