i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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