So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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