I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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