I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
