you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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