im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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