Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
