My cat gives me a boner
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
