Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
