The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
