I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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