I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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