i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
