I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
