My hand turned me down
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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