I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
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I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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