When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
