so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
